14/5/23

So this struggle I percieve to have i in relationship with me, others and the world, I can 
see, stems from the highly dysfunctional childhood. 

Now though, my life now. I want to say loneliness associated with being alone a lot of my free time. Sure I have interactions with people a lot of other time. So what is this dis ease I feel ?

What does not work is thinking positive. I try little things..My latest venture is little things...meditation moments,  a little smile, moments of physical exercise. 

Ok so really if trying to understand me, things, the world does not work, then what do I focus on:

Things I enjoy : dance, physical exercise, being with others

Things I want : intimacy, connection, interactions with others

Things I struggle with : being with myself, being with others

The thing is I find trying to change or fix things at a conscious level does not work. I can't think my way out of a situation or problem. 

All I can do is notice...