14/5/23 So this struggle I percieve to have i in relationship with me, others and the world, I can see, stems from the highly dysfunctional childhood. Now though, my life now. I want to say loneliness associated with being alone a lot of my free time. Sure I have interactions with people a lot of other time. So what is this dis ease I feel ? What does not work is thinking positive. I try little things..My latest venture is little things...meditation moments, a little smile, moments of physical exercise. Ok so really if trying to understand me, things, the world does not work, then what do I focus on: Things I enjoy : dance, physical exercise, being with others Things I want : intimacy, connection, interactions with others Things I struggle with : being with myself, being with others The thing is I find trying to change or fix things at a conscious level does not work. I can't think my way out of a situation or problem. All I can do is notice...
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13/5/23 Blog begins. The aim is unclear though what prompts it is feeling heavy and unergetic. I'm a 56 year old man who looks a lot younger than my age, slim, fit and in good health. Yet I spend much of the free time I have on my own. Its been a lifelong journey. I guess it would have been as a young teen when the realisation hit me that there was something flawed about me and an awareness of being at odds with the world around me began. It was like I have been out of sync. I recognise my experience is part of a bigger problem. Taking a few assumptions into consideration. The world i.e everything we are aware of is inter-related. Everything. I'll leave that to your imagination. I could cite examples here but I can't be fucked. Its just the way it is. Everything is relational. So what I struggle with, or what I think and am aware of struggling with is the relationship with myself, others and the world around me. That, I do need to elaborate on. That I shall attem...